apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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