I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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