Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
