I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
