Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I checked into jail on foursquare
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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