Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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