I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
