so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize