Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
