Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
