Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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