nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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