Betty ford says i'm here all night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
