if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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