This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
