i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
These tits shall not be calmed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
