Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
