How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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