you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
