So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize