either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to walk on stilts...naked
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
