Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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