I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
