Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
