Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
