thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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