It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
