i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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