dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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