glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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