My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
