He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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