She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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