she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
