No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
