Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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