He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
