On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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