The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
