so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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