Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
