Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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