i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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