their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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