dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
