I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
