He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A bitchslap is in order.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize