I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize