between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
