and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
