How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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