...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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