the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
