I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
