She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
