I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
