is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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