I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
