well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
