The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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