I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
