so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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